Maine Home Remodeling, Make Certain The TLC, Renovations Are Through Out The House.
When you remodel your Maine home today it is a given that the carpenters, plumbers, electricians come in pairs.
Just like Noah’s job to fill the Ark with two of every animal that he built in his backyard. That ark started when he was 500 years old. And the last set of animals of each sex entered the completed ark, the boarding ramp hoisted up in to place to set sail when Noah was 600 years old.
Boy, I hope my bathroom remodel does not take that long.
Seriously, like swimming lessons you remember going to on a parks and recreation bus wearing a round tag on a wrist band to help get you back to your parents, it’s the buddy system in life. I learned how to swim at Cary Lake in Littleton Maine as a nephew along for the ride with my Aunt Ruth’s horse riding kids summer camp. Had a partner to keep from drowning when the life guard had a lot of bobbing heads to track in the Maine lake.
The Me In Maine blog posts are mostly about living and learning together in a less populated, more scenic state like Vacationland.
And include lots of Maine photos, videos on ME local community events. Our other blogs on Active Rain, Own Maine Real Estate posts cover more real estate related topics. Because after thirty two years of listing, marketing, selling property listings, that is something I should know something about. That rubbed off that can be posted to benefit someone in the audience.
But back to remodeling in a Maine home.
Have a bathroom job wrapping up tomorrow (fingers crossed). And the contractors tell me every Maine home owner is glad to see them come. But hold the door open to get them out to their work trucks with the rack on top as quickly as possible. To swish them out of the yard. To clean up the dust. Rearrange the remodeled area of the Maine home.
I am in many homes where the Maine home owner is pretty proud as a peacock on their DIY handiwork. That is less than stellar. And other Maine houses to list where the paid professionals did a superb, outstanding job in the kitchen. But the rest of the house got no attention. Like life, you can not put all your effort to excel in one area without others suffering from neglect. There needs to be balance, moderation.
Spreading around the TLC and the money budgeted for repairs, renovations is key to any Maine home resale.
Like an orchestra where each instrument contributes to the common good. The final track produced for others to enjoy at home or in the crowd, balance has to happen.
If the budget is only so big, where to spread the resources with paid professionals but you and the kids doing the tear out to ready for the new is sometimes the course taken. Like the flip this house where in a half hour the owners make a fortune or lose their shirt, careful study is needed on where, when, how to do the house improvements.
Major home system areas like leaking roof with mold and rot developing.
A furnace spewing carbon monoxide, an electrical smell of ozone from faulty wiring, or dangerous falling chimney bricks take priority. But little things like a new bigger bathroom mirror, light fixtures more up to date, paint and clean up of the clutter pay big dividends.
Making the shoe box ranch in to a castle in a so so neighbor is mixing the original intent of the structure. Or consideration of what is going on in the market for potential real estate buyers. And ignoring, having blinders on with the decline of the neighborhood.
But whatever you do, like life, don’t put the emphasis all on one area and neglect others if you want to avoid disaster.
Spread your talent, time, resources around the entire property in and outside.
Maine, get here quick as you can and start really living. More outdoor recreation options to come for a day, stay a life time enjoying.
Grow A Relationship By Removing The Pride, The #1 Killer.
Conflicts in life, in relationships happen and how to resolve them is obviously a special, uniquely tailored skill.
Because no two people are the same. Each brings a different set of demands or ability to make concessions to the table. Look at the world that more often than not is fighting over something. Land, religion, non acceptance of a culture other than your own.
So working solutions in a relationship, to come up with a foundation of unity, oneness over the long haul. Why so hard to have harmony and why dissension, tip toeing or long periods of silence sulking?
You, I were not designed to be filled with, to demonstrate great degrees of personal pride. Instead any success, talents, abilities or any life purpose we have comes from our creator, does not originate within ourselves.
But taking the credit, giving yourself a pat on the back is like pulling out a pie thumb and saying oh, what a good boy am I. We are not talking “good job on the front lawn mowing son” kinda pride. But the “I’m better than you, look at all I have that you don’t, how great a person I am” not so pretty pride.
As long as you are too proud, you can not know God. Don’t need one. You become one. Because when conflicts come up, you have no fault. Not to blame. It becomes the other person’s problem, mistake. The degree of blame, how much you decide to heap on the other person for blame is in direct proportion to the amount of pride your inflated, puffed up your chest displays for all to see.
It is not about you, it is not about me. Go back to who made you. Don’t get in the trap of worshipping anything or anyone else. Prideful people are poison. If they surrender, acknowledge it, the relationship can grow, flourish and all around it will benefit.
Pride produces a closed mind, not open to advice.
The relationship can not get around the stumbling block, line in the sand that is so important to the one who dug it with his, her heel. Pride is the main ingredient in any quarrel.
Holier than thou approach to judging others instead of working on you. Because in extreme cases of pride not thinking you need any improvement. Not responsible. Self importance. Thinking you are without fault. Needing spotlight center attention with cars, clothes, jewels, “toys” and adornment or living through the accomplishments of your kids and taking full credit is the pride that destroys relationships. Our country is marketing heavily with the more is better and happiness is tied to how much material “stuff” you hoard. It is not.
Your heart is only so big. Has room for only so much cargo. And pride is a heart hog. Leaves little room for other important precious character traits like kindness, love, forgiveness, mercy, patience, humbleness, gentleness, selflessness. Less pride, more space for the good stuff that true real inner joy radiates for all to see.
To get the issue resolved and back on track, pride needs to be shown the door. So workable solutions to the impasse can happen. And so the same rough edge, jagged glass sharp issues in any relationship do not keep cutting to the bone deep as resentment, discouragement grows.
But removing deep seeded pride that becomes part of your dress can only happen if the clothes horse wearing it sees the damage it causes. The need to get your way is a waste of time and excludes the other person in the relationship wondering hey, what about me? Taking turns, listening to their input builds the relationship. Gives life new meaning as love is allowed to grow.
Concessions, ownership of the part both prideful people play in the way the disagreement gets resolved is surrendering.
For the good of the relationship because you have to for it to grow or flounder. Loosen, remove the prideful chains that cause so much pain, suffering, angst. Watch the number of clashes, grid lock and silence, tip toeing on egg shells atmosphere in a home to disappear. Work to a common solution and don’t stay together but living alone. One on each side of the house, apartment.
The other downside of pride as it takes deep root in your heart? Is the ability you think you have to look in to the hearts of others. To the point that others can not even have their own personal feelings that are supposed to be their very own. Have you ever called someone a liar for how they felt?
Do you use the words “never, always” often to describe the other person’s long list of faults? What is on your paper for faults, areas you struggle or stumble, that need to worked on? Anything?
The more pride, the unhealthy kind you have in your heart, the shorter the list of what you feel needs work within you.
You become perfect in your eyes and others, well not so much. That is not Christian and what gives the desire to be one a bad rap to those that are not. They see you up here, them down here.
We are all beginners, need to be humble, meek, full of humility and grace. Not high and mighty, prideful. No, it is not easy. But is the only way to tackle pride, other areas robbing you of healthy, rich relationships.
How you feel in your heart is not right or wrong.
When you are lucky enough to be with someone that can and does open up their heart, believe them. That honesty clearly explains what the problem is and how to solve it. Because it involves both people in the relationship. And there is only one God that can see what is really in your heart.
Taken face value and not challenged, what is in the heart dared to be shared by someone who can trust you will mean the relationship becomes stronger. Greater closeness, more rich meaningful experiences in life can happen and distance, pushing each other away stops.
No one is a liar in truthfully wearing their heart on their sleeve for all to see.
Also makes you accountable once you admit pride is a cross you have to bear but are working on removing it. Add it to the list of what it takes for better relationships, what you can work on if you take your eyes off the other person’s paper. And work on the areas of your life that need changing, adjustment. Get on your knees, alone in your spiritual garden. A little morsel of pride is healthy, a double helping or plateful is dangerous.
Maine, less people, more natural beauty all four seasons to work on a better you, for a better simpler life. Get here quick as you can.
Maine, The Safe Four Season Place To Raise A Family.
Empty nest syndrome… those three words can sound like much ado about nothing. Until you go through it or know someone who has.
If you are a full time parent that enjoyed the job, that can last the better part of twenty three years considering college schedules, ENS takes adjustment. Not all a bowl of cherries easy until you learn new life patterns to fill the big hole kids out of the nest free up, provide for other areas of living.
But if you were a parent who your kids, others around you often heard the big sighs. Saw your eyes rolling. And with disgust heard “boy, will sure be glad when you kids are gone, the house is empty”. Maybe the freed up financial resources. Easier, any time you want scheduling to get in to the bathroom mornings will be a cinch transition. Empty nest syndrome may affect you not so much.
Moms and Dads that raise families verbalizing that “poor me, when do I get my time to be happy” parent resentment are missing the boat. You improve yourself raising kids and teaching them responsibilty, consequences for your actions. Getting them to church and learning right from wrong. About manners, playing fair. And that parents make mistakes, miss cues, have to work hard for the give and take of relationships.
Lessons along the way. Not to run with scissors. Take turns. Pick up your mess. Hang up your coat. Wipe your feet. Say your prayers. Hearing good job. But learning the word no used. Discipline, rules that make a kid feel safer, loved with defined boundaries. Knowing limits, consistent rules that adjust for greater freedom if they earn it as they get older.
Kids reminded out of love to make good decisions.
Even though you are not in the room, or around to know if they don’t. Especially after they leave the nest. But you still mother hen worry about them out on the open road in the big wide world. Reminding to say please and thank you. Have respect for others including teachers, coaches, referees and you the parent, other family members.
To treasure the elderly, give up your seat. Hold doors and to smile. Be pleasant. To think of others besides yourself. To take care of your possessions and respect those of others who worked just as hard to obtain them.
Parenting is a challenge but didn’t your parents make the effort?
And how do you like how you turned out? Did they gripe, complain or deep down wish they had not had you? Or did you and your brothers, sisters add greater meaning to their life?
Were you part of a family that was at the same birthday parties, weddings, graduations, funerals, the Christmas and other holidays year in and out? Did your Mom and Dad hug, demonstrate love and fondness? You learn from them how relationships look. How conflict resolution happens to solve the problem together, not attack the person or brow beat.
I tell new parents to be, with a stork circling overhead that their life will go from black and white to color.
That kids are a hoot. You will wonder how you lived without them. Not know what was missing. Until they grow up, start their lives and become more and more independent.
To live fine and dandy without you because someday you will be gone. Happens to all of us. And that is not the time your children should start living, making their own decisions. Prepare them. Teaching them all you can while the clock ticks loudly.
Parents can be like big selfish kids themselves. Who whine about the expense of effort, household financial resource money juggling. Kids enhance, not deprive if you take the responsibility, privlege, gift, blessing seriously.
We all need to grow up feeling loved, appreciated and taught the skills required in the big wide world out there. Kids don’t enjoy feeling that they are a burden. They are not. All special, unique, and can teach you much in the process of parenting. Each stage they grow through, each child with a different birth order, parents at different stages as head of the household giving direction. Each boy and girl, brother and sister with different temperaments, talents, special needs like all of us. No two the same like snow fakes.
Kids, family is a joy not a curse. A blessing not a burden. You were a kid once, and you appreciate the effort, love and dedication your parents provided more the older you get. As you pass in to life areas that are “ah ha” moments where you get it. Realize what you could not further back on life’s journey. We all make mistakes, miss cues and should be running everything through God for direction, inspirations, the truth.
Kids make you a better person because you think of someone besides yourself.
You teach them values and are accountable because they are watching. They keep you honest, trying harder to take the privilege, blessing of being a parent serious.
Changing diapers, applying A and D ointment, hooking up vaporizers, rocking them to sleep. After microwaving a bottle of milk, testing it on your wrist to make sure it is not too hot. Dropping happy boisterous kids off at dance, little league practice, school. Bother local and at college. Picking them up from the movies. Reading bedtime stories, saying prayers, tucking them in after tub time and being all squeaky clean.
Putting training wheels on their first bikes. $300 prom dresses worn once you wonder if they could be made in to draperies. Have another use. Or handed down to someone who can use them, give them another showing. Braces, college funds, after school jobs. Family reunions, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents. Usually at a Maine lake. Or bean suppers, church bazaars. Or a state park, hiking Mt Katahdin or smaller hill trails. Maybe fishing for supper.
Grocery shopping more than once a week
Laundry and teaching kids to separate the whites, colors. And if you throw in a shirt inside out, that is the way it is being washed. And on the other end of the process you will have to turn it back out anyway yourself. Pointing out the roles all in the household need to assume for it to run smoother. So the parent does not get worn out, taken for granted. And eventually in a marriage expectations of someone else doing all the work. Being spoiled and unhappy if they don’t. Spoiling a child is way worse than neglect. Because when the parent is done, who’s job is it now? Everyone around them if you enable them like the parent did.
Watching them ricochet in higher kitchen doorway diagonals in the johnny jump up.
Spooning high chair breakfast with a higher pitched voice announcing here comes the airplane…open wide. Asking them what will it be today and pointing at the Gerber baby on the rice, oatmeal, barley box. Sippy cups. Burbing, bouncing on your lap and cooing. Going back in the room after they are asleep and just listening to them breath. In awe of the little person that is part of you, that will not stay small long.
Grocery shopping, laundry, cleaning house, changing beds, creating holidays, birthday parties. Helping with home work. Playing catch, tennis, or skiing, getting them to hockey practice. Or building a soap box derby gravity race cars.
Or just listening to them, making sure they spend time with other family members like grandparents who care and share. Letting them know there are lots of people around you that love you. Are rooting for you. That they have cheerleaders.
Thinking they are growing up way way too quickly. You were not done with that last life phase. But reminding yourself to enjoy it. To prepare as one by one they bean pole up and out, off to college then for good. But you don’t and can’t totally prepare with seamless segue to life after full time kids. It takes conscious effort. Or waiting for grandchildren for another part time taste of child raising.
Once empty nest syndrome arrives lots of healthy things can happen to fill the space, the void.
You can relax. Take a breath. More time dedicated to working on your relationships with others, stronger marriages. Service work through church or in your community are rewarding outlets too. New hobbies, education options. And reaching out to folks that were out of the loop because parenting is full time. Multiplies by the number of kids you have. Had six at one time. Whew.
Vacation traveling, discovering more about yourself reading, making the adjustment to the next phase of life. The one that can be the best is yet to come if you embrace it, avoid the slip in to a lonely pit of being dismissed in the full time parent role.
You never stop parenting, but the pauses between when you are needed get greater with the kids who will appreciate you more and more the older they get. And when they eventually try their hand at this parenting thing. And they too become Sunday school teachers, your grandchildren like them are in Christmas pageants too.
Maine, family is everything. Raising one in Maine is the place to do it with four seasons of uncrowded natural safe surroundings. Most of the upbringing is outdoors, with plenty of fresh air, less television, more use of their imagination.
Birthday Parties… Don’t Just Reserve Them For Kids. Then Quit.
Life has blue sky and sunny, cloudless days and well, ones where the weather is a little stiffer, rugged.
But through it all, your family is on the same roller coaster ride. And basking together in the loving warmth through joyful celebration times. Licking wounds, recovering, healing from painful setbacks. Like when you lose a member of the family that was special, missed like a hole in your heart.
Family is important to preserve, protect. Because we’re fortunately stuck with each other. Or get adopted by another one if the one you have is not so warm and friendly. Yet.
Was lucky to be invited to a birthday party of my secretary’s mom.
Everyone likes to eat cake and socialize with friends of a family at a birthday party. But unlike the kid ones with the too tight plastic elastic that holds the colored pointed hat on, the party to celebrate a seventy five year milestone is a life long recollection. From family, friends, past co-workers and employees who all share an event, experience that the birthday boy or girl were part of in their life.
Come On, You’re Invited To Vera Butler’s Surprise Birthday Party Video.
Some folks don’t like you to know their age, would like to just forget another birthday signaling being another year old. As the life odometer rolls to another higher notch. But you come to a point where you don’t dread but embrace. And realize relationships are the most important thing to cherish, preserve, protect. Age develops wisdom for all of us. And in life as you get freed up of day to day raising kids, when they leave the nest, your perception improves. Clarity happens.
It starts with your family, the folks that have been around since you were knee high to a grasshopper.
And are slowly right on schedule dying off. But with parties, open porch get togethers and family reunions, those memory making moments never fade. I am lucky to have three older brothers, their families that care about me and vice versa. Don’t neglect, forget your family. And find someone to be part of yours and you theirs.
Maine, big state, less people, more old fashioned small town values. There is a place still like that, the way life should be.
Travel Expands Your Outlook, Improves Your Life. To Appreciate Maine More.
If you have been a regular Me In Maine blog post reader, you sense living in Vacationland is a personal high priority.
I am a big fan of this state in the upper right hand corner of the country. That borders two Canadian provinces, New Hampshire and plenty of rock bound craggy coastline with 68 Maine lighthouses.
Raising a family in Maine became an early life priority after initially thinking of leaving the pine tree state. And working my way up the broadcasting ladder after college would be the plan. I changed careers, the need to drive over the big green bridge one last time on the southern tip of Maine on Interstate 95. In my earlier desire to collect four letter call signs of outlets in bigger and bigger media markets.
I wanted to raise a family in Maine. Not out of state where the broadcasting leap frogging and dragging the kids from city to city transitioning would not have been healthy for the family. But despite never regretting staying to raise a family in Maine, a state where it is small town, honest values, four seasons unspoiled natural surroundings, travel is still important.
One Santa Monica California trip with all six kids is one of those traveling adventures.
Driving through Beverly Hills, Rodeo Drive with empty street boutiques, not a soul up and at ’em was different. But vageuly familiar due to all the deja vu sights, street sign names, buildings that you would recognize like we did from exposure to television pilots, films and your favorite season show reruns.
We arrived with a van full late after touching down with the silver winged bird. Our gracious family host opened up their arms and home to help be local tour guides. And one myth that was busted quickly was that all the homes of the rich and famous movie star actresses, actors would be like the Beverly Hillbillies estate. With stone and iron gate, a long sweeping curving driveway up to the mansion.
Uncle Charlie, Aunt Linda’s home was gorgeous, spacious inside, not so much outside.
Zero lot lines, only space to park a his and her pair of cars out front. The home, all of them around it right on the street. Any extra visitors would have to park it on the street. In Maine, that would never happen. Due to healthy, abundant snow storms causing plow trucks to destroy anything not in the larger capacity driveways and big yards wrapping around our Maine buildings.
Expensive real estate around Santa Monica the reason for the closeness of homes. Larger concentrations of people than where I live with eleven people her per square mile in Aroostook County. So Jed and Granny sized properties spacing, elbow room we enjoy in Maine was not the norm around Beverly Hills California.
We got the family photo for the Christmas card with the Hollywood sign in the background.
But that was not an easy feat due to tight neighborhoods with winding, hilly, narrow streets. Many of them dead end making the Kodak moment elusive and more like a rat in a labyrinth game maze. And lots of warning signs that gave you the impression survivors would be prosecuted.
There was no place to park without pulling in to a driveway empty of cars. And hoping a black and white with the blue gum balls revolving, flashing did not squeal in on two wheels like in the cop show movies filmed on these same streets.
Venice Beach’s sights and sounds visit was an adventure too.
And so was the oldest daughter’s sudden urge to get an eye brow piercing. After seeing many interesting tats and piercings. On the colorful, attention getting characters we moved in and around on our tourist site tramping. The surroundings again more than vaguely familiar from television exposure. And also seeing actual scenes being blocked, lighted, sound staged, actually filmed outside restaurants along Venice Beach we sauntered and gawked at with the Maine family.
We did the Disney Land, Knotts Berry Farm and other tourist haunts too. With tours following a convertible Saab and a Volvo wagon with only 22,000 miles showing on the odometer. But on its third set of brake pads, rotors due to fast paced NASCAR like needle and thread driving by Aunt Linda. Who uses both feet to keep the RPMs up if an opening happened to appear for better lane positioning. To be girl scout ever ready.
Aggressive driving around other motorists that were new to the country. Many learning to drive just recently and still green but tested with their feet to the fire turnpike conditions. We buckled up, grabbed hold of something to steady ourselves. While Aunt Linda rode the brake all the time just in case the momentary slot closed up on one of the other six lanes of traffic around our silver wagon. To avoid testing the car’s auto insurance collision policy. Traffic in Maine. What traffic? (Smile).
Seeing new places with your family.
Expose yourself, kids to learn, broaden your outlook on life. To not be afraid to venture out and see how the rest of the world lives. But then to come back to a rural state like Maine to appreciate it even more. Because it is not like this here any other place on the revolving blue and green marble.
If you have a family, take trips with them on a regular basis to sample some of the glitz, sparkle of areas new and different. But also as a couple to keep exploring and meeting new people with entirely different surroundings, cultures, customs, backgrounds. And sometimes not so different values, beliefs that you and I share too.
Buckle up.
Llife’s temporary ride assignment is a short one. To be lived, fully enjoyed and experienced with loved ones you are in a relationship with that need to see what we are or are not missing in other areas of the planet. To guide our life course. To develop deeper, richer meaning and discover our purpose in life. Why we are here.
20,000 Feet And Your Wing On Fire. How Brave Are You?
In my job as a Maine real estate broker for over three decades, I am blessed with meeting tons of neat, interesting people.
It is not all talking shop, only dealing with property listings during work hours either. Helping buyers, sellers from all over creation means you are part of their lives.
Real estate buying or selling is an emotional experience.
Of joy when you saved up for, go without to purchase your first home that the babies, one after another come home to. Or sadness when a divorce or death forces the need to sell that involves suffering, pain, heart ache for all the family members struggling through the dark times.
As Nazi German soldiers, aircraft and artillery machinery poured in to Holland during World War Two, Andy Spyker heard the frightful news while at sea. A radio operator aboard a Dutch navy submarine who had to alert his skipper, the captain of his vessle of the frightening news. I learned the story in the process of taking Andy to various properties in Southern Aroostook. Before settling on the purchase of land acreage in Hersey Maine to build a well deserved retirement home on to enjoy his golden years.
There were twenty six submarines in the small country of Holland under the Dutch flag during World War Two.
Many were in port forced to surrender to the German occupation but some like Andy’s submarine out on maneuvers. And now what do we do? The leaders of the country fleeing to go in to exile and no country to go home to happening for Andy and his sub crew.
Andy sent a hurried morse code after orders from the Captain of the submarine to try to establish communications with England military forces. Unlike the other crews back at port under German occupation, Andy’s submarine could still be useful in the fight to free his mother country of Holland. Was one of the fortunate ones. Like survivors of the Pearl Harbor surprise Sunday morning attack that devastated the country when the news spread of all the loss of life.
Other Dutch naval units not stuck in port joined the Allied forces.
Andy’s submarine was instructed by Her Majesty’s Royal British Navy where to report for resupply of food, ammo, diesel fuel and for any needed maintenance repairs. Hearing the story made me think of my Dad a tail gunner in a B 24 in the same European Theatre war campaign.
Stationed in Italy and making highly successful but very dangerous day light bomb runs over Germany. Where the odds of making it back to the home airfield were about 50-50 due to precision German 88 guns. And more experienced Messerschmitt fighter planes buzzing mercilessly around your sitting duck slow loaded aircraft lumbering over the IP target bomb drop. And Dad’s plane getting shot up after one bomb run and losing altitude quickly. But managing to hobble crippled to a Balkan’s English base. Where a few days later the British picked he and his crew up. Sliding them in to another B-24 to continue their bomb runs.
I had the privledge to tour the Imperial War Museum in London England last Christmas with family and the experience hit me in a very sobering way.
Much like touring the USS Arizona Pearl Harbor Hawaii exhibit where no one talks. The V 2 rocket displays, the bomb shelter staged scenes from a gastly war made me appreciate my Dad even more. When I thought that was not possible for his, others in the war and behind the scenes in this country with their all out effort to gain peace. Stop the war, fighting.
I got the same feeling of respect for my Dad reading over letters that he and my Mom sent daily. Back and forth while over in Europe. Discovered when settling the estate and going through all the items a couple collects after sixty years of marriage, over eight years of life. The two lived in a time of lots of historic changes. Had battles bigger than our first world problems that consume society today that seem so trivial in comparison.
To end bloodshed of needless loss of life. Hug, kiss, reach out to a veteran and let him know you appreciate his dedication, sacrifice. And remember how the little things that cause drama, are so picky, minor concerns in our daily life are nothing compared to what others have gone through, endured in our families, communities.
Maine, we honor our veterans, dead or alive. Many gave some, some gave all.
