MeInMaine Blog

Tag: maine marriages

  • If People Had Barcodes, Wore Their Ingredient Label Proudly.

    Barcodes, Inside Ingredients And Warning Labels. What If....
    If You, Me Were Out In The Open Labeled With Barcodes, Ingredient Labels Of What’s Inside.

    What’s inside or missing in people we meet, have relationships of all kinds with in life?

    Not what you have a gut feeling is inside. Not what they look you straight in the eye and tell you, believe themselves is inside. But the actual ingredients, tendencies, needs today.

    What is in too great a supply of things that don’t set well with the way you are wired, built? What is missing and again something in a certain daily supply you need as a must in a relationship? Or what do you have more than enough for two of in this, this and this area. And the other person does too for something you are lacking for the needed daily requirement in a balanced, nutritious healthy relationship? But moderation of what you both need in the right supply to compliment what you already have on board inside each of you. The stuff that makes you unique, tick, shine, the way you need to roll. Not perfect but perfect for you. Custom made. Putting the fun in dysfunction.

    And if you knew the good, bad and the ugly relationship nutritional ingredients easily read with a scanner or visually on the side of each and every person, time could be saved. Study the label as they lift their arm that is pasted on their side. Like you and I study them in the grocery aisles comparable shopping.

    Sure, the mystery of getting to know someone can be fun exploring the unknown.

    But knowing upfront what you need from the other, what you bring to the table for the good of the relationship. It can be argued people grow, change together and regardless of the here and now, can both build toward a shared vision of unity, oneness. From time to time the panels on each, the bar codes would need updating. Because life goes on, experiences happen.

    And other people, your relationships rub off in good and not so great ways. Knowing hurt people hurt people. And often don’t always know why. Like if you had critical parents growing up that were not huggers, did not affirm you or make you feel worthwhile. That you could never please. Just seemingly disappoint. That kind of hurt, pain or missing needed childhood “vitamin” would mean your barcode, side panel would spell out “needs extra helping of daily hugs, confidence building and esteem boosting”.

    No panel, no barcode, no communication with nothing held back is key. Otherwise you don’t know what is lacking, why the relationship later in life bogs down or stalls. But pretty sure it is the other person’s fault can happen. Thinking, reacting, feeling your way along blindly. Out of control. When the problem is your own to uncover, study, fix rather than coping in unhealthy ways blaming others for the “deficiency”. It takes two to shine. Or get axle deep, stuck in sinking quicksand.

    But avoiding unhappy relationship box canyons going in almost sounds like arranged marriages by folks in other cultures that really knew the children.

    And helped come along side to tie the knot that stays happily tied because of their experience from day one until the march down the aisle. They know the kids they raised and can predict this will or will not work. But there are surprises because some folks bring out your best… or worse. And the odds makers are not always right. There are flukes.

    But for the long term, to know you are investing years to get decades, a lifetime not start, then start again. Not talking dating, but hoping for the rest of your life partner material. If you knew yourself, and matched the stuff that made you with what was needed to make the two of you even better. Too scientific for you? Not just relying on God or being in the dark, having to have faith in this kind of situation?

    But ahh, who prints out the ingredient label, properly sets up the bar code for the reader, scanner?

    Are we always honest with ourselves, are others we meet always open books, heart’s worn on their sleeves? Or do they pretend, convince themselves they are who they appear to the world to be. Coping the best they can or over compensating and missing true rich, deep happiness, joy, peace. But looking good to most.

    Like being trim but not healthy, fit when microscoped. If you could hook up the mechanic’s diagnostics machinery. Plugged in and the reading showing you overheat under pressure. The graph shows capacity to be extra patient under a heavy load. Or prone to blame others when going gets tough. Or exta high levels of being a team player and ability to find the good when others deem situation dire, hopeless, a waste of time.

    Information is powerful and quickly cuts to the chase on the likehood of a breakdown and in how many miles.

    What to expect and odds of success, failure or going to be a case of just bumping along where both are not getting the maximum out of the relationship. Shown on the scope as here’s your problem. Loud and clear even though the truth hurts. It will set you free. Needs to be seen in black and white clarity. Like it or not.

    Maine, a state where you get outdoors every chance you can. You get in tune with you. Know yourself inside and out. And the honest, down to Earth people around you pitch in, tell you things in a nice way about yourself. And are all ears to learn what can run off from your experiences, wisdom too. Maine, find your place in the space called Vacationland.

    I’m Maine REALTOR Andrew Mooers, ME Broker
    207.532.6573
    info@mooersrealty.com

  • Living In Maine, The Rear View Mirror More In Focus.

    Looking Back At Your Rear View Life Mirror, Seeing Things Way Too Close.
    Your Past Gets Colored, Filtered And Look For The Good, See The Entire Event, Situation, Relationship.

    How you see your past, the experiences with events, situations, people in it reveals a lot of about the real you.

    The way you were raised, the filtering process that happens from your inner most workings deep down inside. What you learned growing up or habits you picked up along the way.

    Like the rear view mirror warning, disclaimer “Warning: Objects In The Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear.” Means be careful. Distortion, good and bad coloring happens that obscurs the truth or reality of the past life film frames. The ones already played out on the silver screen where they splash on the back of the inside of your head.

    My youngest son Elliot texted me yesterday morning that he had had a dream about Nana the night before.

    Followed by a two thumb tapped out telegraph that “I miss her”. We all do son and maybe because she was such a big part of our daily lives. She lived local and was such a loving, warm, make you feel good cheerful person.

    I texted back “Today is Thursday. Tonight is Pizza Hut night.” We hit the hut, it was not a rut. And Nana would always order spaghetti with those spicy meatballs. While the table full of kids would chat it up. Debate how many and what kind of pizza pies would fit the hole in the end of the gullet.

    Habits done like clockwork.

    Ray Crone and his wife now deceased recently would always “hit the hut” the same night. Christine Nickerson and her long table of family too. It was a ritual, tradition and seemingly no big deal to anyone outside the routine. But part of sharing, caring and learning from grandparents. With three generations feasting, enjoying the time together and sustenance.

    But kids grow up as they should. Elliot being picked up May 16th at the Portland Maine Jetport, home from his completed junior year at Colorado College. The next day packed up in black hand me down Honda Del Sol of his brother’s we just put some money in to thanks to Mitch Holmes. Master with a power wrench and screw driver.

    And Bob Aucoin gifted with corrosion removal, the spray bomb and tail light housing replacement. Elliot pilots the black two door gas miser to The Forks. For his summer job leading a boat on white water rafting for Northern Outdoors expeditions on the Dead River. Hang on Elliot, folks grab the short rope and whisper some rafting safety prayers.

    His brother Alex just got done working at A Basin ski area in Colorado. And begins his summer job before strapping on the boards again next winter for another Colorado winter ski season. Alex too has a summer job rafting the Colorado River a few states away from his little brother. Empty nest syndrome recovery has begun for Dad as a new life stage is entered.

    The past starts and stops as folks get older.

    The one constant I am jealous of is the sixty year life event polished marriages like my parents had. Til death do us part raising the four kids they had together, not a blend of two families which is a delicate procedure.

    When two brand new people have the double whammy of working out the knot tying after saying “I do”. And keeping the troops happy who may or may not have seen the need for the matrimony. And struggle with the divorce that led up to it that they were not so wild about either.

    It is easy to take for granted that sixty year marriage is just because both were ideally suited.

    Neither partner was or ever is perfect. But start out or with time, lots of work and patience become perfect for each other. And each finally end up thinking the other is the best thing to happen in their life.

    Those marriages of sixty years are like the rear view mirror warning. They don’t start out the way they appear now. Talk to someone that has logged that many miles. I do. And over and over here the secret is three little words. You are thinking “I love you”? All older folks will say yes, love is definitely a component.

    But liking the person, seeing his or her strengths, not a long list of things you don’t like about them.

    And wishing they would change to make them easier for you, me to take. That we don’t react so lovingly to when frustration sets in.

    The three little words as one secret axiom to keep in mind always for marriage unity, onesness? When feathers get ruffled, as storms brew inside a household, surrender. “Dear probably right.”

    I texted Elliot back later yesterday to let him know Nana’s farm flowers are popping, poking through the ground and doing nicely. Planted with love, kindness on her knees where she spent everyday to begin it with gratitude. She worked hard praying, studying, asking God for guidance every morning. I get up before five am every day to walk, study, pray and do the same sharing with my creator. Because I can not do it alone. There is much room for improvement as the previous blog posts spell out, making me an open book as I get it. But I am told in emails, there are a few others out there with room for improvement too.

    Mom, Nana, Mary Lou to many lives on in our hearts and I meet people almost daily who also miss her here on Earth. Still alive in the beauty of God’s flowers. Her Christmas cactus that still blooms at my brother Stephen and Jenny’s home in Bangor Maine on Thatcher Street. Or when I see flocks, African violets she reminded me need to be lovingly dusted, watered, fed, talked to to survive.

    I have no doubt whatsoever Nana is in a better place called Heaven. Because of her life dedication to God and with his help to be the way she treated people, looked at life and raised us all. And due to her accepting without batting an eye and smiling for all in the room when it was announced stage four cancer. Need to start chemo today. And she said I am trusting in the Lord if it is my time to go. To be with my Dad who had died a few years earlier.

    Look for the good in others, yourself. Always.

    And in past relationships, instead of seeing the bad, instead one by one see the good never fade moments that were enjoyed. Not cauterizing lingering feelings of love that you might try to smother with a soldering iron of bitterness or regret. Because you can never, should not try to “unlove” someone to make room for another. Because you can not.

    Maine, outdoor places to be alone, to see and process events, relationships, other people in your life with 20 – 20 vision. Push in the clutch, just coast and let go, learn much in pauses you build in to your life in Maine, the way life should be.

    I’m Maine REALTOR Andrew Mooers, ME Broker
    207.532.6573
    info@mooersrealty.com